Stars. A Short Story.

As Karen looked up at the sky, she felt whole. There was nothing else to interfere. The world was quiet. All was dormant.

She had decided to leave her cell phone in the car and she didn’t wear a watch. She had pulled up to her parking space at 1:06am. She had tossed and turned in the sheets. She decided to search for peace of mind at the beach. It was a short drive. She brought a blanket and unfolded it, slowly kneeling to the ground as it rippled in the wind. As soon as the blanket touched the ground she dropped her right knee down to hold it in place. She sprawled out on her back. She had a better view of the night sky. It was a clear night. Not a cloud in the sky. Karen took in a deep breath and sighed out loud. The stars reminded her of being at home.

Karen and her friends used to lie out on the road in front of her family’s farmhouse. They would gaze at the stars, calling out constellations and seeing who could identify it first. There was no traffic. The farmhouse was out in the middle of nowhere. In the distance, they could hear the howling of the coyotes.

On the beach, the crashing of the waves as the tide came in replaced the howling of coyotes. Karen preferred the soothing sounds of the ocean. She was at a crossroad in every aspect of her life. Questions, thoughts and concerns kept her up most nights as of recently. She was exhausted now. Both physically and emotionally. She closed her eyes and listened to the ocean and thought about her current situation. She thought she had been in love. Maybe she still was. But it was a forbidden union. Her parents wouldn’t like him. They would want someone else. Her parents knew that Karen had big dreams. She wanted to become world renown for her studies. She was a dissertation away from her Doctorate and wanted to do more. She was doing research working in a lab every day searching for a cure for AIDS. She had a passion for life. She had a passion for saving lives. They wanted her to have a mate that had that same kind of passion. But it was not just her parents that held her back. She couldn’t love someone enough to make them better.

She thought about the patterns in her relationships. Hurting people seemed to gravitate towards her. And she’d love them despite all the hurt. Her analytical tendencies flowed into every aspect of her life. Both work and personal. Karen had relationships with people she could help. If they lacked confidence, she’d spend her energy building up their confidence. Trying to make them believe in themselves. And those relationships never worked out. She would date someone because she thought she could fix them, she thought she could make them better. She didn’t always date someone that she could see herself with in 20 years.

The stars seemed to be floating in the black sky. She had thought this time would be different. She wanted to be in love with every part of her being. It must not be my time, she thought. But I am happy with my life. I love my work. I love the research and getting to travel and meet the faces of the lives I hope to save.

She sighed and rolled to her side to watch the dark mass rise and fall.