Relationship advice

I was once told some of the best relationship advice that I have yet to abide by-- "Never go to sleep angry."

You'd think that some people should probably sleep on it and wake up with a clearer head. Then maybe you would just get some rest and not say all of the awful things that come to mind when one is angry. Really though, if possible, it's probably healthier to solve whatever issues before going to sleep so that you can wake up with a clean slate. But for those who can be hot-headed at times, it doesn't always seem to be a good idea to force the issue. For myself, I know my "breaking point." I know when it is just mere minutes before I say something that I will most likely regret. My ability to recognize this point seems to be a curse and a blessing. It's good that I know when I should probably shut up. But it just irks me so much that I feel like I can't just speak my mind. I mean, I could. But the fact is that if I do, it may be mean. And most of the time, there's no real good reason to be mean. It's really just me lashing out because of the hurt or fear of hurt. I just want someone to understand that hurt or that fear, but being mean does not clarify that sentiment. So for me, it's best to not say anything that I may regret and just walk away and let my anger subside.

The worst part is that I also know that walking away is not the best thing for all parties involved. When I walk away, I tend to just deflate and get over it and then not mention it again--until the next time when all the old frustrations that were never discussed, evaluated or resolved flare back up with strange intensity. I used to be able to do all of this-- the frustration or anger, the deflating, the not talking about it-- without anyone being all the wiser. There were no explosions, no potential meanness. It was all suppressed. No one saw any kind of inner turmoil. Then I decided that course of action was unhealthy. I should allow myself to feel and process. After all, isn't that the mature thing to do? Deal with the issue at hand and not pretend that it's not there?

Never go to sleep angry. After all, what fun is that? Why suffer through the backs being turned to each other? The snoring that absolutely annoys you when normally you just fall asleep like it was a lullaby? If we all devoted a little more time to constructive communication, not only would we improve bedfellow relationships but also every other interaction would improve. So never go to sleep angry. How does one do that? Hell if I know. But it is a good mantra.

Never go to sleep angry.

Or just don't sleep.