up and down.

It's been a very intense past month for me. It's the past month that I have been debating about moving back to be with my family. It's a scary thought. I feel torn when really I'm not. My family is my family and they will always be the most important thing to me. Still, it's hard to walk away from a life that you've created for the past three years. I'm going to miss being here. I just wish that others understood that even though I am damn stubborn and try not to show how stressed out I am by this whole process, I am struggling. It's not easy to just walk away. It's not easy to quit your job and move on to something else unknown. It's not easy to leave the friends that you know and love.

I've been very emotional since yesterday. I put my notice in yesterday. Today one of my old bosses came and gave me a hug to tell me that he would miss me. I just teared up. It's not easy to leave. I don't know that I am making the right decision. I don't know anything though. I just feel that I should take care of my dad and go home. I know that my family needs me. They have done plenty for me in the past. It's only right for me to go home to be there for them.

So all of you out there, who are sad and upset with me for leaving. Don't think that it's easy on me. I'm the one who has to follow through with the insanity of moving and being back home with my family. I don't know that I'm ready for it. I do know that I'm willing to go through the motions until I discover that I should doing something else.

I will miss you all here. Hopefully, I'll get more of a chance to do the things that I hold dear to my heart...spending time with my family, riding horses through pastures of grass, enjoying the freedom of living in the country.