Addendum to "the accident"

I feel like I should convey that I do not regret "the accident." It is unfortunate that I have a scar that I'm still slightly embarrassed about on my knee--I'm working on getting over that--but the whole thing was a hell of an experience.

In the end, I was glad that I was in one piece and even happier that "Hugh" was alive and getting better. I was happy to be there to take care of him. He was all that I thought about during the day. I was worried about everything--that he'd forget to eat or that he'd get out of bed and try to go somewhere or just not get out of bed at all. I wanted to be there for him. And I was there everyday for weeks. He doesn't remember much of that. I'd hold him and tell him that his memory was going to get better and that it just took time. I loved him for the overly sweet things that he said to me during that time. They were definitely contrasted by the mean things that spilled out when he was upset. He wouldn't remember that I'd been there earlier and would be upset with me cause he thought that I'd just left him--when that wasn't the case at all. And later, he'd have no idea that he'd been so mean so it was hard to be upset with him for that but not easy to forget. I wondered if I was seeing a side that was normally suppressed. Was it something that I was learning that I needed to know? Probably not, now that I think about it. Head trauma does fucked up things. You say and think things that you normally wouldn't. Some people's personalities change more permanently. Hugh was lucky. It was just a few weeks of missing memory and severe mood swings. He made it through and was grateful to be alive.

But I just wanted to say, that I didn't mean to sound angry or bitter--if I did--in the telling of "the accident." I'm not angry or bitter. I was glad to be were I was at the time. It was what I wanted to be doing. Yeah, physical therapy sucked and it probably made me a little bitter at the time because I seemed to be healing slower than Hugh. Lucky for him, the brain healed itself pretty quickly in his situation. Within weeks, the bruises in the brain were gone. I still couldn't bend my knee without pain. That was tough. But I believe, maybe naively, that things all happen for a reason. It has convinced me that I never ever need to rent a scooter in a foreign country again (or just never let the man drive, I haven't decide which). It makes my stomach turn when I see scooters. When I was recently in Mexico, I wanted to stop scooter renters and tell them that they should be very careful and if they were smart, they wouldn't rent one at all. But I didn't. It'd just seem like a crazy lady was trying to ruin their vacation so I kept my mouth shut. But I digress.

I have no regrets. Life throws some interesting experiences at us. We learn how to deal with them and we move on. I was there for Hugh when he needed me. I wanted to be there.

No bitterness. No regret.