worst day.

Today has been the worst day that I can remember in months. It definitely takes the cake for 2008 and probably the better part of 2007.

My heart aches like I can't even explain. It's been a while since I've been hurt so deeply by someone who said that they cared about me. Do explain how someone who says they care can be so, so intentionally hurtful? It's unbelievable that they can be so oblivious to the fact that putting someone else in a better light and acting like I should thank them for being such a kind soul and not fucking me over--will not ever make me appreciate that person. Because someone could have done something worse than what they did, doesn't mean that I should give them a high-five for holding back. I'm not just going to start handing out thank-yous and letters of appreciation because they did not do something awful. They were disrespectful and did plenty of other things. I do not have to respect or be friends with someone like that.

I just can't believe that he wants to delve all of this old shit up. Bring it back into the forefront and make me participate just so he can get off on upsetting me.

I'm so tired of crying. I've cried all day and all evening. I'll probably cry myself to sleep. I have such a headache from crying. The pain in my heart is so much deeper and so incredibly hurtful.

I can't even explain the heartache. Most of it is because he does not acknowledge all that I did for him and cares to take her actions in such high value. Like they were the most respectable things when it's merely common sense. Anyone with any sense of self-respect would have done the same thing. Even children know right from wrong. But he wants to praise her for her acts and discount everything else she did because she didn't do the worst thing that she could have done. How ridiculous does that sound? As long as it's just bad and not the worst thing ever, then it's okay, and even admirable, in his book. Craziness.

I can't keep crying like this. I can't. I am beside myself with anguish and a sense of betrayal. But alas, it's probably all in my head. After all, nothing I say or do is of any value to him. He acts like he's so much better than me. Like I'm losing my mind and completely inaccurate. Amazing.