conundrum.

I was driving today and thinking. And I realized something about myself. One of my faults is that I let things get to me more than I should. I realized today that part of the reason (or at least my justification, even if it's invalid) is that I care too much. I care about people who are important to me a lot. I have a problem with people who intentionally hurt or treat badly people who I care about.

For example, I went to high school with this girl that I see every once and a while. She was a girl who was a total bitch to a good friend of mine. My good friend had gone through all kinds of hell in high school but this other broad took it upon herself to just make things worse. This other broad loved to talk about how she was better looking than my friend and point out the issues in her life. She was not supportive of my friend and my friend was so used to the abuse and starved for friends, she just took it. I never appreciated the way that the other broad treated my friend. I'd point it out to her and yet her behavior didn't change. Now, I see her and can only imagine that she's still that same shallow girl and I don't have any desire to speak with her.

The unfortunate part of this whole thing is that it's trickled into various places in my life. An ex of mine had an ex who didn't treat him very well and based on the fact that I loved him-- I never liked her. So I ask myself a couple of questions. Am I restricting myself by being overly loyal? Am I using too much energy even thinking about this and letting these people affect me so? I probably am using too much energy. I probably should just not care and be indifferent. But being indifferent would not be true to who I am. I have convictions. I have excessively strong emotions. I don't want to play nice with the ex's ex after all that she put him through. And yet, people don't understand this. People don't understand that it all stems from the (apparently excessive) sense of loyalty and pure love and respect for my friends and those that I hold dear to me. I can't just sit by and be okay with the maltreatment or the lies or the hurt inflicted.

But alas, this is my conundrum. My own incomprehensible struggle. But like always, I'll figure out what's next and move on.