disclosure.

I think there's some things about people that should be disclosed up front. People should have to tell you things like "I'm really fucked up right now and I'm working through some things" or " I'm messed up and not dealing with it." They should disclose things like "I'm a controlling person and I want someone to work through that with me" or "I'm obsessively controlling and that's not going to change." At least then, you get a fair chance to say "yep, I get it and those are things I can and am willing to deal with" or "Um, thanks but I don't think I'm in the place where I want to process things like that with you." There's plenty of examples of things that people could disclose to start with. At least then you can quickly decipher whether your partner is willing to deal with your things. Maybe they are things that your partner has experienced before and does not want to re-live. Or maybe you find out something about your partner that you know you are not equipped to deal with or something that would compromise yourself and jeopardize your own happiness or the happiness of the relationship. There's also the positive twist. People should disclose things like being a passionate lover and a devoted partner. Those are important things to know too. I don't think all things need to be disclosed. Obviously, part of getting to know someone is discovering new things about them. It just seems that some things should be known so that decisions can be made that benefit both parties. Either way, I realize such disclosure is not an option but it would be nice.

 

It just amazes me that some people can seem to be one person when you first get to know them and then a completely different person unveils themselves. I realize that people are more complex than what they tend to display to everyone on a day to day basis. It's those people that seem to be one type of person and turn out to be quite the opposite. I get it though. I used to be a happy person on the outside. No matter what, everything was great to everyone I knew. On the inside, I was falling apart. There were so many things that I was covering up with the happy facade. While I understand that it was something I was doing, I decided to change that. I wanted to be me. I wanted to be true to myself. I wanted to feel real emotions and not sugar coat everything anymore. I had learned the behavior from my family. Even though things were in turmoil at home, we were the perfect family to the outside world. I finally decided for myself that I needed to change that pattern of behavior. So I took some time and fleshed through it all. I knew that I couldn't be a productive participant in a relationship as I was going through my self reflection and changing some of my own behaviors. Some people think that they can stay in a relationship while they do some serious soul-searching. And I guess some can. Others are just in denial.

 

I've thought of myself as a pretty perceptive person when it comes to reading people. It tends to be disappointing to me when my perceptions are so far from the mark.