what the fuck.

Okay, maybe it is just that time that everyone gets to that they wonder what are they doing with their lives. Unfortunately, I've been here before. And I am at a loss on how to cope now.

I'm in law school. And I don't know why. There are things that I can do with my degree that might work out but I feel like something is missing-- part of me knows one thing that is missing but I also feel like my general zest for life and go-getter-ness is waning. what the fuck is happening to me. why do I feel so nauseous about being in law school. why do I feel so ineffective? so incapable of getting out there and making a difference? I like to do. I dig doing. doing makes sense to me. hearing rhetoric, listening to how things should be without being able to make them that way makes me crazy.

now i'm almost broke too. no extra cash at all. what the hell am I doing? do I want to be an attorney? i'm not some cocky son-um-a-bitch. i'm not pretentious. i don't think I have all the answers. I barely think I have any answers. I'm definitely not the top of the class. cream of the crop. the master who's got all their shit together. I need to talk to someone. but who? I need to have someone believe in me. but who? I need to believe in myself. but how?

maybe i missed it. maybe this is all wrong. I'm definitely not cut out for doing IT anymore but i have no clue what I am cute out to do. I love people. I love meeting people. I love listening to people tell their stories. I love making a difference in their lives. I love telling their stories.

And I guess we can disregard my "peacing out" commentary. This blog is still up... though a lot has been removed. I'm still here. still confused. still roaming blinding. still unsure of my next move. fuck.