Memories. A Short Story.

I loved this man. He took my breath away. It was the way he looked into my eyes. The small scar above his upper lip. The softness of his lips. It was his intoxicating scent that lingered on my clothes after we parted.

It was the way he interlocked his fingers with mine as we bustled through a crowd. The reassuring look in his eyes. He was my protector.

It was his enthusiasm as he cheered for his team. The way he bounced up and down when they scored the winning touchdown. The intensity of the hug that I'd get just because they won. It was his patience in teaching me about the game.

It was his sincerity and his sensitivity. The tears that we shared during hard times. The way he comforted me on gloomy days and gently reminded me to smile.

It was the way he whispered "I love you" in my ear. The way he laid his head in my lap as we watched my favorite show. The way he flirtatiously poked me in the side. The way that he jumped when I lightly brushed his neck with my fingertips. The way he ran his fingers through my hair. It was that smile. That smile that made me feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

It was just being in his presence. The way he held me. His heart softly beating as I lay my head on his chest. The moments that were so perfect that there were no need for words.

I loved this man and I still do. I hope that he still loves me too.

Moving!

So I am finally headed out of my old apartment!

No more leaky ceilings. No more toilets that constantly run. No more termites. No more trees falling in my yard. No more weeks without electricity. No more window units that don't work. No more dirty, nasty carpet. No more windows that do not shut completely. No more infestations of spiders and ants eating the dead little bodies of the recently killed termites. No more rotting doors. No more swarming of termites and having to clean it up. No more apartment drama!

I'm still keeping my fingers crossed though! Just in case.

I move this weekend and I am uper excited. Hardwood floors. Central heating and air. Gorgeous windows. Fabulous building. And the new landlord will let me have a puppy. I like him already.

Exterminated and Terminated.

So the saga with my apartment continues.... if you missed out on previous stories, it's suffice to say that I have experienced everything short of fire....

So, I live in a duplex. Months ago, the woman who lives upstairs was oblivious to the fact that her toilet was leaking into the ceiling of my bathroom. (It was incoming water, not sewage.) I only noticed when my walls and ceiling had paint bubbles that were full of water. I had to call the landlord who had to replace my ceiling. Then there was the tree that fell in front of my apartment. I couldn't get my car out for a couple of days because it was blocked in. Luckily, the tree did not hit the apartment or my car. But I didn't have electricity for 6 days. They had to re-wire my apartment. Fan-freaking-tastic.

And more recently, three weeks ago, I had an experience that I do not care to re-live. Termites swarmed inside my apartment. Thousands of them. Inside my apartment. It was absolutely disgusting. I had told my landlord 5 weeks before then that I had seen termites. He did nothing. And they swarmed. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper. I asked him to have my apartment cleaned.... just the carpet actually. And he refused. Basically we had a falling out about it. Three days later, I received a letter in my mailbox telling me that my lease had been terminated. It was not an eviction, just a termination. I truly think that I pissed my landlord off, especially since he doesn't return my phone calls anymore. According to the lawyer who wrote the letter, my landlord had mentioned needing to do some work on the apartment. So now, I have truly been eaten out of house and home.

Missing Amber. A Short Story.

I closed my eyes hoping to squeeze the image from my mind. I had walked outside for some fresh air. I never really liked weddings but I had to be there. I was one of the groomsmen. I was happy that my cousin had found the woman of his dreams. I was glad that they were tying the knot. A part of me yearned for that kind of companionship and I couldn't help feeling a little sad at weddings. I'd headed outside for a short walk. The sun was setting but the day was still warm. As I turned around from closing the door behind me, I saw her. She was liplocked with another man. I had not been ready for that. I quickly scurried around the corner of the reception hall hoping that neither one of them saw me.

Eyeing the brick wall, I punched it. Just one solid right hook to the wall. I'd heard that she had been dating but I didn't really know it. And then there it was. She had undeniably moved on. I cupped my right hand with my left. My knuckles were throbbing. One bled. I didn't care though. It helped me get my mind off the ache deep inside of me. I did not know what was wrong with me. After all, I had left her. I had told Amber a year ago that it wasn't working for me. I never really gave her a reason. I hadn't been ready to deal with the intensity of our relationship. It wasn't a love at first sight kind-of-thing. It was more like a love at second sight. We met through friends and had minimal interaction. Then I ran into her at the grocery store and there was something. It was the way she looked at me. I had this gut feeling that this might just be something. We started dating and it was wonderful. We fell in love within months. I was willing to do anything for her. Then, one day, I started thinking about my future and worrying that I was messing up. That this relationship wasn't logical. We were both in jobs but we not pursuing careers. She talked about marriage and kids and I liked the idea but all of a sudden, I was afraid. I started second guessing everything and I came to the conclusion that I needed to end this relationship. So I did. And it broke her heart. By then, I had detached myself enough that my emotions were numbed. I wanted to think this through.

Now, a year later, I was devastated to see her with another man. Since our breakup, I had dated random women. None of them instilled the same passion and zest for life that Amber had. In the past few months of being alone, I had realized that Amber might have been the best thing for me. I couldn't sit there and plan my life. Life was supposed to happen. I could guide it. But I could not prepare or plan love in my life. A career was something I could think about. Love happened. I had been beating myself up over pushing her away. A small part of me hoped that she would show up at the wedding and that I would get to talk to her. I hoped that she was single and happy or atleast happy. I had dismissed how I might react if she was with someone and happy.

I leaned up against the wall and pulled out my kerchief to stop the bleeding. What was I thinking after all? I wanted her to be happy. And why would she even want to have anything to do with me after I broke her heart? I thought I wanted her back. After all, she had been wonderful. Our lives were like a fairy tale. Everyone was envious of our relationship yet, I was too dense to realize what we had. I knew it now. I felt it as I sat alone at home wishing that she was there trying to steal the remote to watch Lifetime. I felt a tear in the corner of my eye. I had made a mistake by running away from the love of my life. I knew this now, but now was too late. It would be unfair to tell her that I still loved her. After all, she looked happy. She wouldn't want to come back to me. She would be afraid of getting hurt again.

The bleeding finally stopped. I peeked around the corner of the building to make sure she was gone. She was. A wave of relief washed over me. I would still have to see her inside. Maybe I should pull her to the side and tell her that I loved her. That my heart ached to see her with another man. That I had been wrong. That my life was better with her. That I needed her in my life. Would it be so wrong? What if she still loved me? What if she was forgiving and willing to try again? Then again, what if I had been right and it was supposed to end when it did? I would get over this too. I wasn't sure that I wanted to though. What if it was a mistake and I was supposed to be with Amber for the rest of my life? Without her, I might spend the rest of my life settling for mediocrity.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. My hand was still throbbing. Maybe it would take my mind off of Amber for the rest of the evening. It would have to.